Don't be a bummer, Summer

Summer is here.
It didn't greet Austin kindly, with a few gentle hints of its' arrival.
Instead it came like an onslaught of smacks to the face. More like suckerpunchs, actually. While we all know it gets hot in Texas, we were treated to a big surprise from Mother Nature. We got a record high of 97 degrees on Saturday. That's QUITE high for May. Nobody expected it or was too ready for it. Then to make things more exciting, on Sunday we watched the mercury bubble towards 99 degrees. I think we were just one notch cooler than Hell. That first taste was pretty brutal. By 11am on Saturday, the sun felt like a hundred burning angry fists, and I was getting pummelled. Our trip to the Farmer's Market ended quite abruptly. I found I couldn't focus on the bounty of organic veggies and raw milk cheeses due to my panting and fear of melting in my place. Being pregnant and just getting over a chest cold SURELY didn't help my situation either. Knocked up in Texas summer. It is quite a cruel joke. At least by Sunday we were prepared for the worst.

I'm an admitted heat pussy. I lived in New England for 33 years. I understand wind chill factors, not heat indexes and high pressure systems that suck the clouds out of the sky. While it gets hot up North, it doesn't get TEXAS hot. While it does hit the 90's in Boston, it doesn't hit it for one month straight. Or two. Don't get me started with that bullshit of "It's a dry heat." To quote my friend, Buddy: "Anyone that says that should be shot in the taint." So eloquent, so true. Ever been to Las Vegas in June? Dry heat my ass!!! It was 107 degrees of evil desert heat and it felt like walking thru a pizza oven. My move to Texas had me a bit worried. I wasn't sure I would be able to stand a powerful summer that went from May ( sometimes April ) to October. I've held my own though. You may have caught me off-guard this weekend, but I'm back on my feet. I'm ready for you now, Summer! Give me some scorching pavement? I've got my flip flops. Turn my car into a sauna? I'll just crank the icy A/C! Think you can invade my home? Try to get past my central air conditioning! I dare you!!! And to up the ante, I've got SPF 45, a sun hat, and an inground pool, you scalding motherfucker!!! May a 1000 popsicles be rammed up your sunny anus!

Jane's Addiction - Summertime Rolls.mp3
The Sundays - Summertime.mp3
B-52's - Summer Of Love.mp3